I recently bought a book from Amazon by Steve Zollos entitled “Time for the Talk“. It’s a book about how a father can talk to his son who is transitioning from boyhood to manhood. Topics from puberty, sex, how to treat women, considering a wife, etc. are tackled by the author.
It really has been very helpful so far and I’d like to share with you some of the insights I’m getting.
I won’t be able to put in everything in one blog, so this would be the first of several posts.
There are a few foundational principles to start with before talking to your sons about sex, according to Steve Zollos.
Here are a few of them.
1. HONOR. Leading your son into true manhood is a great honor and a serious responsibility. It is a process that takes many years and can be profoundly rewarding. This is the goal we have as fathers – to raise them to become men… men after God’s own heart.
2. RESPONSIBILITY. As fathers, we are tempted to abdicate our responsibility in this area. We get lazy and take the easy way out: we lie to ourselves. We think, “My boy knows about these things. He’s not ignorant. He’s a good kid. He’ll do fine. As a result, we deliver a useless little talk or skit it completely.
3. FRIENDSHIP. Shifting from boy to man and from father to friend… Many father and son relationships deteriorate as a boy matures because the father never recognizes his need to shift relational gears and continues to treat his now young man like he’s still a child.
4. ORIGINAL DESIGN. Without a doubt, there is no one else on earth that God has given this particular task, his dad, in helping your son grow and mature.
“A wise son heeds his father’s instruction.” (Proverbs 13:1)
“Listen, my sons, to a father’s instruction; pay attention and gain understanding. I give you sound learning, so do not forsake my teaching.” (Prov. 4:1-2)
5. COMMUNICATION. The Talk is more than a single conversation. The goal is that it opens a door to a deep and trusted father-son relationship that lasts a lifetime.
6. INDEPENDENCE. When we see our sons attempting to make decisions independently, it’s not necessarily rebellion. It may be his way of stretching out his wings in growing up. If we as dads can keep this in mind, understanding that our sons are changing into men just as God intended, we will be better equipped to respond with loving instruction instead of angry correction.
7. GRACE. You and I don’t need to hire professionals to lead them into manhood. As God has called us to raise our sons, He will give us the grace to accomplish all He has planned for them.
8. GOSPEL. The culture your sin lives in is on of continual hostility toward godliness, but God has chosen your son to live in this culture at this time, for Christ’s purposes.
It is clear that this world has a pattern (Romans 12:1-2) and that this world has principles that are counter Scriptural (Colossians 2:6-8). Part of our responsibility as dads is to help them discern truth by leading them into a personal relationship with Christ.
The Gospel is going to be the foundation of every teaching and principle we’ll need to impart to our sons.
(More to follow regarding this topic in the next several posts.)